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@Jackson Hole: Be Very Afraid, Bankers are channeling their inner Rothschild

September 3, 2015

Dear Reader, There is a melancholy overtaking economic commentators such as myself. The kindred spirits amongst the economic intelligentsia who stridently, constantly, warn of the dangers the actions of our central banks, are now overwhelmed by the futility of our attempts to bring this issue to Main Street’s consciousness.  [Dear Reader, please stifle your guffaws at my hubris that allows me to include myself as a member of the world’s economic intelligentsia. Debatably, my curriculum vitae as an economist is quite thin. It requires many redactions, falsehoods and exaggerations prior to being sent to a prospective employer, {along with a fervent prayer that the employer does not check my police record, references, academic credentials or my credit bureau}]. However, my intimate knowledge of the outrageous inner workings of our Central Banks gives me insights heretofore unavailable even to the most celebrated, revered and feted economists. I will explain how I came to be amongst the celebrated elite at the Economic Symposium held at the Jackson Lake Lodge last week end.

The sacred words of the primogenitor of all central bankers, Mayer Amschel Rothschild

Recent events in China, the global stock markets and an offer of employment from the European Central Bank, have inspired me to put down the bottle, battle the delirium tremens [DTs], and put pen to paper, [or finger to keyboard, I guess]. I am going to expose the most shocking and effective Coup d’état that is overwhelming our global governments, our global economy and our way of life. I will explain the apalling, sordid, and somewhat humorous events that have made me uniquely privy to the most secret machinations of our central banks. I will share these insights with you now so that you understand my desperation. First, let me capture your undivided attention. This will strike fear into your heart. To accomplish this, I will quote the sacred words of the primogenitor of all bankers, Mayer Amschel Rothschild, founder of the House of Rothschild. It was he who, famously opined, “Let me issue and control a nation’s money and I care not who writes the laws”. If one casts a discerning eye around the world these words are even more chilling.

Bankers are channeling their inner Rothschild

One realizes that our bankers are channeling their inner Rothschild. They are in the process of, simply put, world domination. Click away from this commentary now if you dare, but before you do, let me declaim to you a passage from the letter that set the wheels in motion in 1863. The letter is from the “Book of Rothschild, Chapter 11, verses 3-12″. The letter ingenuously explains how simple it is for bankers to rule the world. These words, written with unalloyed exuberance and accuracy, are the blueprint being used today to create a “New World Order” ruled by our bankers.

Genuflect when you read these words

Dear Reader, scan these words carefully. I would remind you that decorum and respect requires one to genuflect when perusing the musings of a Rothschild. Here begins the first reading of the words of Rothschild who brilliantly wrote,  “The few who understand the system will either be so interested in its profits or be so dependent upon its favors that there will be no opposition from that class, while on the other hand, the great body of people, mentally incapable of comprehending the tremendous advantage that capital derives from the system, will bear its burdens without complaint, and perhaps without even suspecting that the system is inimical to their interests.” These words were written by the Rothschild brothers of London in a missive directed to associates in New York, 1863.  Unless you have been incarcerated, or in a drug or alcohol induced coma for the last few years you surely can make the connection between Mr. Rothschild’s statement and the reality that exists today. [Dear Reader, I am not being judgmental regarding incarceration or coma induced by substance abuse. I myself have been fortunate that during my frequent episodes as a guest of the state, I have always been allowed access to Wi-Fi. Furthermore my fondness for illicit substances, while diminishing my motor skills and brain function has not yet put me in a coma.]

Ridiculous as it seems

Consider these facts as you scrutinize my report from the Economic Summit held in Jackson Hole, Wyoming last weekend.

FACT: The global economy has not improved since the financial crisis of 2008. It has simply been medicated by approximately thirty trillion dollars of additional global government debt that has been accumulated since 2008. In fact, global government debt has now reached the ludicrous amount of 58 trillion dollars.

FACT: Greece, capturing the world’s attention for over a year with their debt crisis, required the most brilliant financial minds in the world to devote 100% of their time to find a solution. The solution, ridiculous as it seems, is to lend Greece money every month so that it can make its monthly payments to its respective creditors. In addition, the brilliant financial minds demanded that Greece raise the level of taxation. [A rather risible solution in a country where tax avoidance is a national sport.]

FACT: France has not balanced its budget since 1974.While lecturing Europe on the topic of sound financial and economic policy during the financial crisis, France has continued to gorge itself on government debt. France now owes 2.5 trillion dollars. One can easily forget the Greek crisis, with a mere 250 billion dollars at risk. One should gird themselves for the real crisis will occur when France, Italy, the United States, Canada, Italy or just about any G-20 country throws in the towel and claims “No Más” regarding the repayment of their accumulated debts.

FACT: China has abandoned any pretense of free market , or controlled economy or any other strategy you can imagine. They have turned their economy and their markets over to the central bankers, who, lacking the experience and finesse of their G-7 counterparts, have made numerous egregious and painful ‘rookie mistakes’ [that may well bring the global markets to a catastrophic end.]

FACT: It is only with the help of international bankers that Dictators or corrupt politicians are able to steal billions, yes I said billions, from their respective countries.

The Jackson Hole Economic Symposium

Dear Reader, Thank you for your patience for letting me set the groundwork for my most stunning revelations that I was made privy to last weekend. Now let me now explain how I came to be an attendee at last week end’s Jackson Hole Economic Symposium.  Upon release from a brief incarceration at the hands of a dastardly private security firm in Kentucky, I thought my nascent career as a financial journalist and economist was over. Little did I know at the time, that within months of my release from captivity, I would be attending the world’s most prestigious financial event; the Federal Reserve Bank of Kansas City’s “Economic Symposium”.   Held in Jackson Hole, Wyoming, the annual conference, which has was first held in 1978, is a chance for central bankers, finance ministers and academics to talk about the world economy in a public but informal setting. However, this year’s event promised to be anything but informal and relaxed.

I know you think I am making this stuff up

The China crisis, the debt crisis, perpetual government intervention in global securities markets, and any other crisis du jour fueled the discomfort of the attendees. Chronically high global unemployment, slowing consumer demand for the trinkets and trash that are the engine of all consumer oriented economies exacerbated the sense of panic amongst the guests at the symposium.  Strident xenophobia in the United Stated was enabling the most powerful and wealthiest country in the world to seriously contemplate spending between 50 billion and 100 billion dollars to build a southern and northern wall along their borders with Mexico and Canada respectively. Even the staunchest conservatives at the symposium were wondering if the elites in the United States were having some form of psychotic break. [I know you think I am making this stuff up but google Trump, Walker and immigration and the results will attest to the veracity of my statement. [Ok I will do it for you, just click on this  link ]

The mythical exit strategy

Add to the global economic stew, the numerous regional conflicts, religious antagonism, rampant money printing and one understands the high anxiety permeating Jackson Hole. This anxiety motivated the hosts [the Federal Reserve Bank of Kansas City] to expand their guest list. In addition to inviting all the ‘usual suspects’, central bankers had ensured that the attendees included all manner of plenipotentiaries, potentates, provocateurs, poseurs and riff raff from the world of industry, politics, finance, economics, and religion. I can now report to you what I learned at the super-secret keynote presentation that was held in a private location, shielded from the prying eyes of the media. While a powerful cabal of rainmakers, including myself gathered for this hush- hush presentation, spokesman for the bankers remained upstairs at the lodge offering their usual platitudes of, more debt, money printing and low interest rates to the hopelessly acquiescent and uninquisitive members of the media. What was outlined at the clandestine meeting was nothing less than the much anticipated, almost mythical, exit strategy from the current policy of easy money forever.

Let me explain

Dear Reader I suspect at this moment you are having the inevitable “Say What!” moment. One is quite astonished and dumbfounded that a low life wannabe economist, journalist, notable miscreant and inebriate such as myself, should be attending this prestigious economic symposium. Let me explain how I came to be at the center of this pivotal moment in history. My inclusion at this landmark gathering was the result of my friendship with Gustavo Laframboise-Pierre, the esteemed Director of Global Statistical Creation at the European Central Bank [ECB]. As I drank and caroused my way through a career on Wall Street, selling all manner of toxic waste to naïve and overly trusting clients, Gustavo was my principal bookie/pimp/lender of last resort. He serviced the sordid needs of many of my colleagues on Wall Street.  His lowly station in life took a significant turn for the better when a high ranking member of the ECB was in New York to exorcize his hedonistic demons. At the end of a night of drug and alcohol induced debauchery the banker had the misfortune of placing a stupendously large and horrifically incorrect wager with Gustavo on the outcome of the 2010 World Cup.

Gustavo became the de facto head of the ECB

The only way the debt could be settled was for the banker to offer Gustavo a highly paid sinecure at the European Central Bank. Overnight Gustavo traded Fulton Street in Brooklyn for the Champs-Élysées [do I really need to say ‘in Paris’].   Sadly for Main Street and “boffo” for the world’s bankers, Gustavo’s hopelessly defective moral compass coupled with his aptitude for numbers and his willingness to blackmail his colleagues ensured that within a startling short period of time he became the de facto head of the ECB. As well, he became the principal source of vision for the global central banking community. It was Gustavo who solved the Greek debt crisis this summer by suggesting a modified Ponzi scheme in which Greece would be loaned the money to repay its creditors. I was most entertained when this solution made headlines around the world. When Gustavo was my bookie and I was into him for “10 G”, I had suggested a similar solution to eradicate my debt. His response was to threaten to call his connected friends to rearrange my body parts.  As my relationship with Gustavo had made me privy [if not a participant] to numerous first and second degree felonies he had committed on his way to the top, he was always willing to take my calls and once in a while throw me a bone in the form of some inside scoop from the world of banking. The resulting reportage helped me to energize my career and inexorably inch me closer to a Pulitzer Prize.

Gustavo’s obdurate refusal to reduce his consumption of drugs

The final piece of the puzzle that found me in Economic Symposium in Jackson Hole was the result of Gustavo’s obdurate refusal to reduce his consumption of drugs and alcohol. The ECB had hired me as his sobriety coach and general factotum to attempt to reduce the cornucopia of noxious substances that Gustavo consumed.  I agree that I was a curious choice for this role but Gustavo was thrilled to have someone on his team who was willing to visit the dark side of town [which is hard to find in Jackson. [Let me clarify for those of you who have never been to the economic symposium: “Jackson Hole  isn’t even a town. It’s a valley. The biggest town, Jackson (population 9,710), lies at the southern end of Jackson Hole. The Fed conference itself occurs farther north, in a lodge in Grand Teton National Park, about 50 miles south of Yellowstone National Park.”], The ECB required me to remain at Gustavo’s side at all times as a barrier against venal temptation This included being at Gustavo’s side during his keynote address to the luminaries gathered at the 2015 Economic Symposium.

The highlight of the conference was the presentation of Gustavo Laframboise-Pierre

The main event was not the boring predictable platitudes from the usual suspects such Mark Carney, Governor of the Bank of England, or Stanley Fisher, Vice Chairman of the Board of Governors of the Federal Reserve System. The highlight of the conference was the presentation of Gustavo Laframboise-Pierre, Director of Statistical Creation at the ECB, to the 140 attendees at the conference. Due to the inevitably inflammatory nature of Gustavo’s presentation, the organizers had arranged for his address to be delivered new, purpose-built, and sound-proofed, third level subbasement of the Famous Jackson Lake Lodge.

Whatever it takes

Dear Reader, I was nervous as I sat backstage with Gustavo waiting for the host to introduce him. Fortunately the auditorium with thick with the smoke from the large amounts of sweet sensimilla the attendees were consuming in anticipation of Gustavo’s address. Simply breathing this mixture was enough to calm Gustavo and I. While I had been faithful to my duties as Gustavo’s sobriety coach this had not prevented me from selling several pounds of primo Acapulco Gold to the bankers/airheads [one could suggest that these two wards are synonymous]. Actually because the bankers were all on an expense account they were willing to pay crazy prices. I made a fortune on this brief business venture. The most telling moment occurred when one banker, during my negotiations did not even blink at my quoted price of $550 an ounce. [$200 an ounce more than necessary]. Rather than balking at my offer he laughed and said he would pay “Whatever it takes”. This was appropriate as that phrase made famous by Mario Draghi, [Gustavo claims it was his idea to describe unlimited money printing by the ECB in this fashion.] adequately encapsulates all banker’s attitude toward money and money printing, LOL. Everyone in the room had sparked up an Ace and was well prepared for the evenings activities. To thunderous applause Gustavo took the stage. He put his presentation on the podium, kept his head down, took a deep breath, and waited for the applause to subside. He slowly raised his head and began his remarks. A hush fell over the room.

Potentates, Dictators, Miscreants and Money Launderers

“Ladies, Gentleman, and bankers”. [This received a decent laugh. Gustavo was on a roll.] “I am pleased to report to you that we have succeeded beyond our wildest dreams. We control the currency of all nations. We have achieved this in such a mind numbingly convoluted, complicated, complex and confusing fashion that no one understands what we have done”. [Dear Reader, does anyone truly understand Quantitative Easing, Operation Twist, Ring-fencing, whatever it takes etcetera?  There are actually only three people in the world who fully understand these strategies, their operation and their implications. None of these individuals were in Jackson Hole last weekend. Gustavo continued, “The world trembles each time we speak. We simply need to mention the words ‘higher interest rates’ and the world’s stock markets collapse until we say the words “just kidding”. No Governments dare announce any plans, platforms, positions, or predictions until we whisper in their ear that we will let them borrow the money to make their dreams a reality. Potentates, Dictators, Miscreants and Money Launderers are unable to bribe, embezzle, steal, or siphon a single ‘sou’ from public or private coffers without our acquiescence”. [Dear Reader once again, your naiveté astounds me. Whether the issue is price fixing or money laundering, recent events attest to the fact that the banks are the key facilitator. Sometimes their behavior is made public as the previous links attest.]

There is no exit strategy.

Gustavo continued, “Our power is such that even when our transgressions and manipulations are made public, we can rely on the media to focus on the most recent antics of the Kardashians to satiate the public’s need for hard news. The audience mostly fell out of their chairs with laughter as they absorbed this observation. Ladies and Gentleman there is no ‘exit strategy’. We control all the levers of government, we care not a whit who is in power. The moneyed class are so indebted to us or afraid of us there is no one who dare oppose us. We are above scrutiny, beyond the law, out of the reach of the gendarmes, and far too complex for main street to understand. In September or October we will raise interest rates by an infinitesimal amount just to catch everyone’s attention. More importantly our action will be a method ‘pour encourager les autres” to ensure everyone understands our power”. They must understand that resistance is futile. The attendees leapt to their feet. The applause was deafening and lasted a full 10 minutes.

To the barricades

“Ladies and gentleman, our internal analysis indicates that when global government debt reaches 65 trillion dollars in approximately 2 years, all current social and political order unravel. It is at that point we will make our New World Order apparent to the masses. The social and political chaos that the ‘Great Unravelling’ will cause ensure that we will be viewed as saviors when we impose our steadfast and strict governance to end the chaos. The only risk to our plan lies amongst those under 30 year-old. While those over that age are satisfactorily medicated into a mellow stupor. We have noticed that there is a small but dangerous contingent of young people who have noticed how their future is being diminished by the current power elite. These individuals question everything from the debt we are burdening them with, to the environmental havoc we are leaving to them as patrimony. They are even questioning the religious dogma we have fed to them. We must be ever vigilante in our surveillance of these individuals. If they ever shout ‘to the barricades’ we may have a problem”.

Ladies and Gentlemen. I commend you for your steadfast allegiance and your single-minded pursuit of our collective goal. As you go about your business remember our motto, ‘Whatever it takes’

“Dear Reader, Gustavo then threw himself into the audience who were now moshing, as Steppenwolf’s anthem Born to be Wild was played on the loudspeakers. Like a rock star, his adoring fans helped him bodysurf around the room and finally to the exit at the back of the room. It goes without saying that the contents of my commentary should be considered extremely confidential. It must not be shared with anyone. In particular it should not be shared with anyone under 30. LOL

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